Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Wherein we reenact scenes from a National Lampoon Movie

I fear this is going to be a long post, but it is necessary! LOL Yesterday at about 3 in the afternoon I was emailing my husband to say I wanted to get out of the house a little bit. While doing so, I hear a noise in the chimney that sounds like an animal is in there.Because our fireplace is in the basement, the chimney is right in the middle of the living room, it's that part of the wall with the ladder on it. My husband emails back and says there are probably some birds up around the top of the flue. I forget about it. He comes home and we go to the mall. I am over the moon excited because I finally have a decent stroller! Isn't she beautiful? Nothing like an aluminum chassis to turn a girl on. So, we get home pretty late, and I notice the lamps are knocked over. Oh well, we have bad cats, it happens. I sit down to turn on the computer. Dave goes to put Jack's pajamas on. We have a dual reclining sofa, and I kick up the footrest and turn on the laptop. Suddenly I hear this wierd noise. My first thought "Oh my god, the cat is somehow stuck in the sofa and is dying or something."

I kick the footrest back down. Noise again. By now I am getting nervous and upset. I start calling the cat. He comes around the side of the sofa, he is filthy and still there is that wierd noise. I start calling my husband to "come right now because I am scared!" At this point I am thinking the noise is the cat's hunting call and that he is making it around whatever the prey *was,* as I am imagining it is alive and is stuck in his throat.

My husband fiddles around some more before coming to my aid, and by this point I am on top of another piece of furniture and not going anywhere near the sofa. I scoop up Jack, because surely whatever is going on is going to have to come out sooner or later. At this point my husband decides there is a SQUIRREL IN OUR SOFA. In our sofa. Inside of it.

Apparently, while we were at the mall, the cats pawed at the glass door on the fireplace until the squirrel was loose in here (seeing visions of Christmas Vacation yet?) Somehow the 3 cats and one frightened squirrel made it up out of the basement and into the living room, where said squirrel is now cowering INSIDE my sofa.
At this point, I literally peed in my pants. Then I did what any good daughter would do and I called my father. He says to call an exteriminator. I start looking in the phone book. The ads for exterminators say "FINANCING AVAILABLE". I say, "we are going to need financing to get this thing out of my house?" My dad says, "Honey, it isn't a predator, it's FOOD." Gee, thanks Dad. LOL

We decide that Jack and I and the cats should be locked in our bedroom. My husband closes all the bedroom doors, opens the outside doors, and attempts to scare the thing out of the sofa. Jack and I are lying in our bed and Jack keeps saying "mama, you need to wash your pants." (LOL, that kid cracks me up.) Then he says, "Is Dada cleaning up the cats? Is Dada gonna sleep on the sofa because his blanket is in the wash?" (Where does he come up with this stuff?)

Meanwhile, I am yelling out, "is it gone yet?" In the end, my husband scooted the couch until it was in front of the front door, and then pushed this pet trainer thing we have (it emits some horrible only heard to animals loud noise) until the damn squirrel ran out the front door.

And the moral of this very long story is "when your wife says at 3 pm that there is an animal in the chimney, someone better do something about it, and that doesn't mean go to the mall." LOL

23 comments:

  1. That has to be true because there is no way you could make a story like that. Yikes!

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  2. I agree! Your kitty is adorable, but I can see how those eyes might freak a squirrel out :)

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  3. oh my stars. that is pretty much my nightmare, and yes, I was picturing Christmas Vacation the entire time, which makes me laugh. I wouldn't be laughing at a squirrel in MY house, however. I would have done worse than pee in my pants.

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  4. Yikes!

    Are you ever going to look at the sofa the same way again???

    (BTW - fab stroller!)

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  5. You will need to read The tale of Squirrel Nutkin to your son!!!!That post made me laugh SO much!

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  6. Oh my goodness, your story is hysterical! It kinda reminds me of when we lived in an old house surrounded by bushy bushy trees and somehow a bat got in our house with just me and DS home...I screamed and we ran for cover...literally...up to the bedroom and pulled the covers over our head, only I wasn't smart enough to close the door before we "protected ourselves". Here we are blockaded until Dh got home about an hour later, seeing shadows of batman flying above our heads..LOL

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  7. LOL! I'll take my boring day over that anytime. Creatures are fine outside but not in the house!
    Bad hubby for not listening to you;)

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  8. I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Well, all's well that end's well - and with a cute stroller to boot!

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  9. OH DEAR!!! What a story.Glad none of you has squirrely rabies now!

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  10. omg, I would have been terrified! I suppose you have to be brave when you have a kid. Glad your house is rodent free now!

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  11. I love it - what a great stress reliever to read (though I suppose it was more stress inducing than relieving for you). While I was growing up, we had squirrels, raccoons and birds stuck in our house (though not at one time!) - ah the memories!

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  12. Oh my gosh! I'm laughing so hard I think I might wet myself!

    Good thing it didn't happen at my house. My husband would be the one cowering in the bedroom leaving me to make friends with the squirrel.

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  13. I laughed a knowing laugh at this story. We had a squirrel invasion at my last house. Long story short the landlord blocked off the hole when mama squirel was out-but babies (plural) were in! That angry mama nearly attacked me each day at the door. The babies- starving inside the drywall eventually clawed their way out into the living room under the sofa. We used a peanut trail to get it out. Then mama ended up in the washing machine (don't ask how) and our 14 year old neighboor got her out-only to have her tail pop off in his hands. I totally understand why you wet your pants and I HATE squirels now. Truly they are rats in a fury costume. Be on guard there may be more than one!

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  14. Oh no! Glad the little critter is out!

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  15. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, but that is really making me laugh! We had a racoon in our chimney a couple years ago. But the flue was closed and it stayed up in the chimney. It cost around $600.00 for a guy to come with a humane trap, which had to remain on the roof overnight. It was a nightmare but nowhere near as funny as your squirrel!

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  16. Oh my!!! That story takes the cake. I once found a crow in our pantry that came in through the ceiling, but a SQUIRREL!!!! Wow.

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  17. SOO funny we too are dealing with "domestic" squirrel issues,love seeing a peek into your world.

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  18. I had a great deal of trouble reading your sage out loud to my husband cos I kept laughing so much. You relate things so well!

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  19. Wow......that was the funniest story I've heard in a long, long time.
    I was laughing out loud! Of course it reminded me of Christmas Vacation. Thanks for sharing.

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  20. wow, and I was worried about a spider in the cushions!!! so funny. Thanks for the comment on my resins, all I can say to you is DON'T DO IT! it is such an expensive undertaking and frustrating but I love it really :-)

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  21. Sarah,
    Thanks so much for your permission to post this story. You can now view it at my Funniest Stories blog.

    Spread the word to anyone else who has a funny story to contact me with their funniest story and I'll post it to my blog plus give them a link back to their site. Thanks for participating.

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Sorry about this contact me link isn't working, so go to Funniest Stories to contact me from there.

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