Friday, June 15, 2007

Trying.

Sometimes Jack and I hit a particularly bumpy patch in this whole mother/son thing. He is an intense kid. He comes by it honestly. I shouldn't be surprised. But some days are just so damn bad that I am surprised.

I am surprised by how hard the constancy of mothering is. I am surprised that my kid can scream so long for more than an hour that your ears will feel like you have been right next to the speaker at a rock concert all night long. I am surprised that I cannot somehow love him into a more laid back personality. (I realize that sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I am not sure I realized how much of one's personality seems to be genetic before Jack was born.) I am surprised by how much it hurts me when he won't stop crying, because I want him to be happy, and no matter what I do, sometimes he is just going to be mad.

I have been surprised by good things this week too. Taking Jack to see his first movie at the movie theater: hearing him tell everyone about the "baby pen-gwens" he saw there: wondering if I followed his directions in the car "to turn down that switch mama" where we would end up:having him tell me to stop every train he sees so he can get on it: having him ask me if he can climb a mountain: letting him pick out a father's day present: seeing his excitement over the growing "house wheeeee!" (a.k.a. swingset with fort) in the backyard: sharing ice cream together now that the heat is here: building one huge Thomas train together:reading for the summer reading program together: and so much more.

P.S. If you have a Thomas fan near you, don't miss The Thomas Recall .

8 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that you and Jack are having a hard time. Boy, have I been there! I have an intense one too and I wasn't sure we were both going to make it through the Terrible Twos. Luckily, he's matured and learned a little self control. Now, he balls his fists, grits his teeth and says, "Mommy, you make me so angry!"

    Hey, at least we've gotten past the ear drum shattering tantrums. And you will too. Make sure you get time for yourself to relax and regroup. Keep loving all the sweet little things that Jack does and says and there'll be smoother roads ahead. :)

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  2. thanks for the recall info. I had heard about it, and was thinking all the trains from my sons years were included. Thankfully they are not.

    Yes, Motherhood can be trying. I'm sorry you are having a rough go of it lately. I hope you get a bit of a break for you soon.

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  3. Toddlers can be trying. Hang in there. He will outgrow it sooner or later. Hopefully sooner for your sake.

    (And I was going to tell you about the Thomas recall. I just saw it today.)

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  4. whne parker was about that age we went through the sam ething. there were truly dasy when, while i loved him, i truy struggled with liking him. and definitely struggled with maintaining my sanity. he's gotten a bit easier with age. communication has gotten easier. honestly, it was worse because my girls were VERY laid back. it will get better i promise! and i am glad to see you focusing on the positive! keep your head up sarah! we have all gone throughthis adn you will come out the other end!

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  5. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Hi Sarah-It really can seem bad sometimes, huh? Well I'll tell you, I'm a grandma now and I find it shocking, absolutely SHOCKING, that the time has flown so fast. So just remember, no matter how BAD it is, it will pass in the blink of an eye. You sound like you do a good job getting yourself through it. I know it's hard. Hang in there!
    jen
    www.jenduncan.typepad.com

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  6. Mothering is the hardest job on earth. No doubt about it. Despite the bad, the good always outweighs, prevails and creates memories. On difficult days I try to think of it as surfing . . . just stay in front of the wave. Just don't let the wave overtake you and you'll come out on top. :)

    (no I'm not a surfer . . . that is just how I try to keep afloat on a hard day of being a mom)

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  7. Ah Mama....you're just in training. That rock concert screaming won't be so loud after the terrible twos, but there will still be the long and persistent whining to get what they want. I loved how you said you want him to be happy and no matter what you do.... that will never change. When they get older -- you want them to be happy, but now matter what you do, they'll continue on in their own way. But....those are only just the little hard things -- and they are SO outweighed by all the wonderful and proud moments. And the fact that we learn and grow SO much from being with them!

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  8. Mine is also an intense guy. I can't say it's gotten easier, just different. Being Max's mom is the single hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. But I love him!

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