Before you read any further:
I've been debating with myself about saying anything at all about this big fat mess over here, but in the end I have decided that I stand true to what I have always said about this blog.
This is my story.
I hope that one day Jack and I will share this story together and that when I am gone he will have this story to reflect upon. I hope that it helps him understand where I was coming from at this moment in time.
My relationship with my in laws (all of them) has been strained from the very first minute they learned that David and I were having a relationship. At one point it caused big problems between Dave and I. It has ALWAYS been a hot mess.
When Jack was a baby I decided that it was worth it to try and have some kind of relationship with them for Jack's sake.
I have ALWAYS said that the moment I felt it was harmful to him in anyway that would be the end of it.
And folks, we are there.
Yesterday my FIL sent an incredibly nasty letter to my husband about me. Only about me. I am not sure what he hoped to gain by sending such a letter.
The letter was, for me anyway, the nail in the proverbial coffin.
David and I live a pretty quiet life. We don't scream and yell, we rarely argue, and we work our asses off making sure that we are doing right by Jack.
Over the course of all this "visiting" there was a big nasty middle of the night argument (while Jack and I were trying to sleep). I thought that was as bad as it could get, and I got over it.
I was totally wrong. My MIL called Jack a "twit" after she made him cry when he wouldn't stop what he was doing and pay attention to her immediately so that she could give him a "present". A present that I swear she held over him and tried to make him act like a circus pony to get. She laid on the guilt trips hot and heavy by saying things she couldn't believe how he was acting when she came all this way to see him and how sad it all was and blah blah blah.
To a four year old.
To my sweet little boy.
I knew things were getting bad for Jack when he started whispering things in my ear. Jack doesn't whisper. Ever. He is a loud, rambunctious kid. And suddenly there was "I love you so much mama" in my ear.
Mama. Something he has not called me in a year or more.
Jack told his father that he wasn't sure his grandfather loved him.
And then, this morning, Jack and I had this exchange:
"So Jack, how do you feel about your visit with grandma and grandpa?"
"Not very good mama."
(He had the opposite response when asked about the visit with his aunt).
Honestly. It kills me to type it.
I mean, I know that I cannot protect him forever. I get that. And I know that they hate me (which was made impeccably clear by their email), and I am ok with that.
But God. My kid.
I just don't even know what to say beyond that.
I mean how on earth do you help a little boy who says his grandparents don't love him feel better?