Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What I bought at the flea

Yesterday was a bad day.

A teary, I cannot stand one more single moment of all this confusion and constant tension and arguing kind of day.

Dave and I live a very quiet kind of life. We never argue. About anything really. Since grandpa died three months ago it has been constant arguing with everyone over EVERYTHING.

Arguing with relatives who are not pleased about what my portion of the inheritance was, arguing with relatives over the stuff in my new house, arguing with relatives over jobs to be done at the new house, arguing arguing arguing.

You get the idea.

And now that we are in the midst of the remodel there is constant arguing with everyone about what to do with the house, who to hire to do what to the house, blah blah blah.

I am SO OVER THE ARGUING.

To make matters worse Jack got himself into some poison ivy about 10 days ago. It started as a small bit on his arm and then he had some sort of immune overload reaction and he had hives all over which sent us scurrying off to the ped. He has been on the evil prednisone for a week now. Which makes him crazy. Screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, totally out of control crazy.

All.day.long. For a week now. (And he still has the hives anyway. Pfft.)

And have I mentioned how badly the new preschool thing is going? He screams and cries about going there. He refuses to get dressed. He refuses to get in the car. He refuses to get out of the car. He has to be physically removed from my leg when we get there.

I am not sure what's worse - all of his crying about going or his new found love for trying to manipulate me out of taking him there. Every day it's something else. His neck hurts, he's too tired, it's too hot there, it's too cold there, it's too early to go there, blah blah blah.

I feel like I am locked in an epic battle at every turn.

So yesterday I cried. At the new house. Which, of course, freaked out the guy working for us. But come on people. There are cigarette butts all over the floor of my grandparents home! Even though I have said please stop turning my home into an ashtray.

It is NOT just a "construction site."

It is everything tangible my grandparents left in this world.

And *I* am responsible for it.

And somehow cigarette butts pushed me over the proverbial edge.

So. That's where I was yesterday.

Today is a new day.

Somehow I am going to do today better than yesterday. I am going to bake a muffin or vacuum or take Jack to the movies. Anything that feels like what my life used to feel like.

Most importantly, I am giving myself permission to be really sad that I will never again find my grandpa's shoes by the couch at the other house or his cologne on the windowsill or messages from him to buy him some pickleloaf and bread.

Because *that* is where I am on this journey.

24 comments:

  1. Cigarette butts would have thrown me over the edge too. Sometimes you need to let it all out and a GOOD CRY is just what is needed...you have had some much on your plate lately and you are out of your routine. You are going thru a few bumps in life, but beyond that is a smooth happy road....hang on. Hope Jack is back to his old silly, smiling self soon. Make muffins or go to the movie...do something for yourself.

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  2. Awww now I'm crying for you. I hope this gets over and done with quick and you guys can get back to normal..even if it is a new normal.
    hugs....

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  3. It sounds like you need a hug... so I am sending you one! It's ok to have a day to cry... you've been dealing with a lot lately and, seriously? Cigarette butts would send me right off the deep end too. Hang in there, things will get better.

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  4. It will get better. Really. The whole moving/remodeling/dealing with contractors thing is stressful enough, without adding grief, obnoxious behavior and an unhappy kid in the mix. On the bright side, I bet you will not be seeing any more cigarette butts on the floor. Nothing scares those guys more than crying.

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  5. You will be in my prayers!

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  6. Family is lovely isn't it ;D
    Sorry everyone is making life miserable for you right now,, just remember that you are very special to your grandparents and the ones that were there for them...and that is why you got everything. Everything is a many many years of memories...but they trusted you to make the decisions about what to do with it.

    Don't know if this would help him or not, but I get poison ivy/oak horrible!!!
    The ONLY things that help me and give me any relief are dabbing bleach on it with a qtip. It is horrible to actually do, and I hate the thought of putting bleach on my skin, but it works! Also Burt's Bee's Res-Q ointment takes away the itch. It comes in a little green tin, and is very soothing. Anything else I have ever put on it just pushes it back in where ever I apply it and then new rash forms around where the cream was applied. Hope he's feeling better soon!!!!!

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  7. wait...what? they're smoking in your house?!?!?! i'd be doing more than crying, i think. my voice would be pretty loud & there might be threats involved. i'm sorry all of this is going on right now. my boy did the same thing last year. it took a long time to get over it, but get over it he did.

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  8. Uggh! I'm so sorry - you just cry as much as you want. Let it all out!

    My guess would be that Jack is reacting to all of the change going on around him. I can relate. My boys are getting better (still have some issues though), but I was about to pull my hair out a few weeks after we moved. Hopefully he'll settle down when things start settling down for you guys, although it sounds like it might still be a while. I hope the time passes quickly for you.

    I'm sending hugs yours way!

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  9. I think I would have thrown a hissy fit over those butts! The things these guys do. I caught one of the roofers peeing off of my roof! Ahhh men!
    I had poison ivy this summer, and was put on prednisone too. I had no reaction to it, but I'm not a little boy. Anyway, about a week after I was all done with the Prednisone, and all of the ivy had disappeared, I broke out again on my one arm. It's almost gone now, and I just toughed it out, not taking anything for it. I read online that for some reason it's getting more poisonous. I've since discovered about 5 poison ivy plants in my garden. Don't know where it came from.
    I'm sorry everything is so rough now, but definitely remember to take care of yourself, like doing a little junkin' therapy! You've still got the magic touch, and it's all going to look so lovely in your new home! Hang in there!

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  10. I feel your pain. My Grandma died almost a year ago and as if that's not enough on its own, my youngest aunt has made her her personal mission to make sure that my sister and I (two oldest grandkids) are fully aware of the difference between "daughter" and "granddaughter".

    I hope that everything will be resolved for you soon so you can start to peacefully adjust to the next stage in your life.

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  11. Poor little man is suffering from too many changes in his life at one time and not enough attention from Mom. My son did the same thing when, at age 3, I divorced his dad, we moved in with my parents, I started working 2 jobs after being home most of his young life and he had to go to day care. All of this remodeling is taking time away from him, so making special time for him will help.
    And yes, relatives can be so wonderful! No one is ever happy with who gets what after a death. My DH and I have asked our parents to distribute as much as they can to whomever they want to have it BEFORE they pass, so that we don't have to argue. We'll see if it happens/works!
    Big Cyber Hugs to you. Hang in there and post a no smoking sign in your house! It is YOUR HOUSE even if they are working in it!

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  12. The house is yours now right? Tell them all to butt out. As for the butts on the floor...ewww. Fully understand your annoyance.
    Dave gets hives and has to slather them in calamine lotion. I wonder if a baking soda bath would help at all? I'd come babysit for you if I could.

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  13. ebePoor Sarah - Ditto to what everyone else said. It's your house, tell the fam to take a big flying leap. Tell the construction workers to kiss your *ss if they don't like what you tell them. YOU ARE THE BOSS! Easy for me to say since I'm not there, right? I went through a complete kitchen renovation and never spoke up. I et those guys rule the roost and make my life miserale. NEVER AGAIN. I will TELL them what to do, when to do it, how long they have to do it and so forth. It took me 40 years to discover I that I had a pair of brass balls, but apparently I DO!
    My apologies to anyone reading this that doens't know me. I don't usually have such a mouth on me!
    Take care Sarah. We're here for you!

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  14. ((HUGS)) The butts would have pissed me off, too. I'm sorry you guys are fighting, I can totally relate though.

    I wish I had some advice about Jack, but my kids have loved school so far. While Layla isnt trying to come up with reasons to not go to school, she is getting pretty clever at trying to find reasons to not stay in bed at night.

    Things will be better soon!

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  15. Well friend, you will do what you have to do... and try to do what is right for you. And Jack. And Dave, too. It will all work out, I promise.

    Until then, we all care!

    xoxo

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  16. Ug. You are not alone in your feelings. I would feel the same way in your situation. Grief is so dang unpredictable. Come to think of it so are families, contractors and rashes. You have yourself a fine cocktail there my friend. I had a major meltdown driving home from work today and it makes me feel less meltdowny to know that I am not alone. One day at a time is all anyone can do.

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  17. I'm sorry this house project has been such a painful emotional journey. Cig butts is inexcusable. Definitely take care of yourself. Ivy Dry (available at Walgreens, Kmart, Walmart) has been my husband's saving grace this summer. Thinking of you. Extra Hugs!!

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  18. Anonymous8:23 PM

    Tepid Aveeno oatmeal baths for Jack. Let him soak and play for as long as he wants. The oatmeal will soothe the itches and playing in the bath will calm him. I used to read my son books while he played in the bath for long soaks. It always improved his mood.

    Call the construction company, speak to the owner and complain about the butts.

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  19. i agree that you deserved a cry, you have so much to deal with! just keep reminding yourself that there will be many new good times and memories made at *your* house and even the jack-school-poison ivy difficulties will be stories to tell him as a teenager. (sometimes i have to remind myself this many times a day.)

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  20. I could cry for you, Sarah. I could definitely feel your pains through your words. I hope you enjoy your day "away" and it gives you the strength to carry on. Just remember every day passed brings you closer and closer to getting the house done!

    Hugs & hugs!

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  21. Pickle loaf. Thanks for the memories, that reminds me of my Grandparents too.

    Keep your head up sunnier days are comin'!

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  22. oh, goodness.

    i hope the next few days are a little easier to get through!

    hugs!

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  23. For the record, the butts would have elicited the same response from me. And the contractor/worker would have been lucky if I found them; Hubby would have sent them packing, without question, immediately!

    And Jack has poison ivy? Oh my! I'm so very sorry, that just has to be awful for both you and him. Malachi had hives when we introduced dairy the first time and they lasted for 10 days! My 9 month old! So sucked! And he's an easy, laid back kid - so I just can't even imagine what JAck must be like right now!

    Hang in there!

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