I've waffled a lot about what to say here in regards to what is going on with me the past month or so. On the one hand, I tend to be a pretty open book here. On the other hand, what's on my mind right now is *intensely* personal.
But, it's bugging me. It's keeping me awake at night. I need to talk about it and get on with it.
I was pregnant. Again. In October. And I am not pregnant now. Again.
Having this happen twice in a row is more than a little like being struck by lightening. Twice in 5 months.
I had called my OB within hours of a positive test and we started the blood work immediately.
And then I found out that I have a problem which means that I am "highly unlikely to carry a pregnancy without intervention."
Hearing that pretty much me laid flat.
I got pregnant with Jack very easily, and while the pregnancy itself was a nightmare, I had Jack. I never imagined that if and when I decided I wanted another baby it was going to be this way.
So, the OB has recommended some fertility treatments. I think I have made a decision about that, but it's a scary place to go.
I mean...how much do I get my hopes up? What if this doesn't work? How far am I willing to go here?
And don't even get me started on the why is this happening to me? why on earth do people insist on saying things like "it wasn't meant to be" or "you just need a vacation"? (Yes indeed, this is not an ideal time for all of this to be happening, but I am 34.5 years old, Jack is 5, and it's pretty much a now or never moment for me clearly.)
*This*, my friends, is a tough road.
I know many of you have already walked it. I have a new found appreciation for each of those decisions you have made.
And I really hope I am able to make peace with this soon.