Saturday, May 15, 2010

Keeping score

On Mother's Day I saw:
2 pink lines

I am currently:
5 weeks into my 5th pregnancy

In the last year there have been:
At least 30 sticks peed on (6 in the last month alone)
4 pregnancies
1 surgery
Approximately 24 blood draws
Weekly trips to the health lab
Thousands of dollars of medical bills
Thousands of tears
2 small glimpses of hope
2 cycles of clomid
1 go around with prometrium
1 Beta that was bad from the start
1 Beta that looked promising but went no where
4 ultrasounds
90 baby aspirin
270 vitamins swallowed since March
1 rise in progesterone from a pre-fertility drug number of 2 to a post fertility drug number of 19
At least 25 phone calls from my OB

Today I had:
A very promising beta. Progesterone at 35 (!!! 35!!! last time it was 8.7), HcG tripled in 48 hours
1 glimmer of hope
1 little cry of happy tears

Still to come:
1,000s more vitamins
250 more baby aspirin
Ultrasound in 2 weeks (please, please, please let there be a little beating heart)

And now you know why I am so damn distracted right now.

*PLEASE no congrats yet. We all know this can still go bad. Just think shiny happy thoughts for me and the poppy seed, ok?

I am going out on a big limb putting this out there so soon, but I need to remember if this goes poorly that there are moments in this where I do cry with joy. Where I do believe I will have more children. Where I do believe this.is.going.to.work.

33 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Fingers & toes crossed. Please know I'm thinking of you. Hugs!

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  3. *Fingers crossed*
    ((Hugs)))

    *Me again on that deleted comment. Doh!

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  4. Oh Sarah, I'm praying hard for you that you little seed sticks and grows.

    Sending you tons of happy thoughts and healthy baby vibes!!!!

    Lots of love,
    Tiff

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  5. Sarah, this make me sad and happy and the same time! Really really big hugs!

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  6. **HUGS** I'll be praying for the very, very best.

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  7. Sending hugs and saying prayers...

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  8. I'll cross my eyes too if that will help!
    I will pray too!

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  9. Sending love your way
    Alison

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  10. My fingers are crossed for you! Sending my best thoughts your way.

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  11. Praying for you and "Poppy Seed"!

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  12. I know, I know. I am cautiously optimistic for you. Can't wait to hear when you go for the ultrasound. I have been there way too many times. Good thoughts...

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  13. super duper shiny thoughts coming your way

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  14. Crossing fingers and saying baby prayers.

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  15. I have walked in your shoes. I am praying hard for you and the little one!

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  16. Shiny, happy thoughts coming your way!

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  17. Sending lots of baby stick dust and prayers........I am 6 days away from testing for our miracle baby. Our last birth baby was born nearly 16 years ago, and we have struggled with intertility since, finally getting pg 2 years ago only to lose that precious baby followed by another MC last year.....but we are forever hopeful and praying that Gods will is for us to have another birthbaby. I have been following your blog for a while now, and will be checking for updates in the following weeks and months, Can't wait for 9 months time when you announce "he/she is here"
    Hugs Nicki

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  18. Anonymous9:45 AM

    Happy, happy, happy shiny thoughts!!!!
    I hope you know that there are many bloggers out there sending good thoughts your way!

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  19. Sarah, I'm gonna pray super hard for you girl. And I've got everything crossed that can be crossed!

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  20. I'm building an Ark! Wanna come and help?

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  21. I will think wonderful warm thoughts for you. xo

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  22. Anonymous1:36 PM

    Good thoughts from here, lots of them. B.

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  23. oh sarah, your blog entry brought tears to my eyes. it's so hard hoping & having faith knowing that things could go bad in a moment. oh man we are praying for you. we have discussed this before....i understand your secondary infertility. it's so frustrating. i never understand it...except to accept that God is in charge of our womb! with saying that..i have my 15 year old, who was an only child for 8 years, then we adopted a 4 year old when Rachel was (duh!) 8. When the adoption was 3 weeks from completion we found out we were expecting. So now i have a 15 year old Girl - Rachel, a 10 year old - Elizabeth, a 5 year old - Abigail (who I did almost lose at 14 weeks due to a uterine bleed - that was so frightening, but she was strong & is strong), i also have a 3 year old boy - David Asher, a 13 month old girl - Esther....and yes currently I am 10 1/2 weeks pregnant with...well a baby. And i worry every day...with every twinge. But i do know this. i have felt this baby move. I have seen this baby's heartbeat. I believe with you that you will mother more children. God is a good God. We dont know why...i still dont know why i went through so much for so long, nor why my oldest daughter had to suffer so with no siblings for so long...but mourning last for just a night...joy comes in the morning!! I am so praying for you. & I only am telling you all this again (i dont know if i told you this all in my orginal post) so that you know...you are not alone...even if you feel that way...because i know you do..i have been there...and that there is hope...& things change for no apparant reason! please keep us posted. Yay!!!! so much for you!!! i am doing a little jig! (and if you saw me...you would know it's not so little! :)

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  24. Sending prayers to you. Everything that can be crossed is crossed.

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  25. Prayers and good thoughts - I'm hoping for you!

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  26. bzoooooom - that's positive energy flowing your way, with lots of happy, shiny thoughts from me.

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  27. I am keeping you--seed and all--in my prayers. And as I read over your list of "numbers," all I could think was how your hormones have just been through the wringer! I feel for you (hormones turned me into the "crazy pregnant lady" every time).

    And again, I think you are so brave to share your experiences with us.

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  28. I'm praying for you. I can't imagine the heartache you have been facing.

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  29. I will be thinking of you!!

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  30. Nothing but shiny happy thoughts for you!!!!!

    We would be so thrilled for this to happen.

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  31. Many many many good thoughts going your way. I hope this is the one. :-)

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  32. Thinking of you! Sending you lots of positive healthy baby vibes!

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