Saturday, May 15, 2010

Keeping score

On Mother's Day I saw:
2 pink lines

I am currently:
5 weeks into my 5th pregnancy

In the last year there have been:
At least 30 sticks peed on (6 in the last month alone)
4 pregnancies
1 surgery
Approximately 24 blood draws
Weekly trips to the health lab
Thousands of dollars of medical bills
Thousands of tears
2 small glimpses of hope
2 cycles of clomid
1 go around with prometrium
1 Beta that was bad from the start
1 Beta that looked promising but went no where
4 ultrasounds
90 baby aspirin
270 vitamins swallowed since March
1 rise in progesterone from a pre-fertility drug number of 2 to a post fertility drug number of 19
At least 25 phone calls from my OB

Today I had:
A very promising beta. Progesterone at 35 (!!! 35!!! last time it was 8.7), HcG tripled in 48 hours
1 glimmer of hope
1 little cry of happy tears

Still to come:
1,000s more vitamins
250 more baby aspirin
Ultrasound in 2 weeks (please, please, please let there be a little beating heart)

And now you know why I am so damn distracted right now.

*PLEASE no congrats yet. We all know this can still go bad. Just think shiny happy thoughts for me and the poppy seed, ok?

I am going out on a big limb putting this out there so soon, but I need to remember if this goes poorly that there are moments in this where I do cry with joy. Where I do believe I will have more children. Where I do believe


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Fingers & toes crossed. Please know I'm thinking of you. Hugs!

  3. *Fingers crossed*

    *Me again on that deleted comment. Doh!

  4. Oh Sarah, I'm praying hard for you that you little seed sticks and grows.

    Sending you tons of happy thoughts and healthy baby vibes!!!!

    Lots of love,

  5. Sarah, this make me sad and happy and the same time! Really really big hugs!

  6. **HUGS** I'll be praying for the very, very best.

  7. Sending hugs and saying prayers...

  8. I'll cross my eyes too if that will help!
    I will pray too!

  9. Sending love your way

  10. My fingers are crossed for you! Sending my best thoughts your way.

  11. Praying for you and "Poppy Seed"!

  12. I know, I know. I am cautiously optimistic for you. Can't wait to hear when you go for the ultrasound. I have been there way too many times. Good thoughts...

  13. super duper shiny thoughts coming your way

  14. Crossing fingers and saying baby prayers.

  15. I have walked in your shoes. I am praying hard for you and the little one!

  16. Shiny, happy thoughts coming your way!

  17. Sending lots of baby stick dust and prayers........I am 6 days away from testing for our miracle baby. Our last birth baby was born nearly 16 years ago, and we have struggled with intertility since, finally getting pg 2 years ago only to lose that precious baby followed by another MC last year.....but we are forever hopeful and praying that Gods will is for us to have another birthbaby. I have been following your blog for a while now, and will be checking for updates in the following weeks and months, Can't wait for 9 months time when you announce "he/she is here"
    Hugs Nicki

  18. Anonymous9:45 AM

    Happy, happy, happy shiny thoughts!!!!
    I hope you know that there are many bloggers out there sending good thoughts your way!

  19. Sarah, I'm gonna pray super hard for you girl. And I've got everything crossed that can be crossed!

  20. I'm building an Ark! Wanna come and help?

  21. I will think wonderful warm thoughts for you. xo

  22. Anonymous1:36 PM

    Good thoughts from here, lots of them. B.

  23. oh sarah, your blog entry brought tears to my eyes. it's so hard hoping & having faith knowing that things could go bad in a moment. oh man we are praying for you. we have discussed this before....i understand your secondary infertility. it's so frustrating. i never understand it...except to accept that God is in charge of our womb! with saying that..i have my 15 year old, who was an only child for 8 years, then we adopted a 4 year old when Rachel was (duh!) 8. When the adoption was 3 weeks from completion we found out we were expecting. So now i have a 15 year old Girl - Rachel, a 10 year old - Elizabeth, a 5 year old - Abigail (who I did almost lose at 14 weeks due to a uterine bleed - that was so frightening, but she was strong & is strong), i also have a 3 year old boy - David Asher, a 13 month old girl - Esther....and yes currently I am 10 1/2 weeks pregnant with...well a baby. And i worry every day...with every twinge. But i do know this. i have felt this baby move. I have seen this baby's heartbeat. I believe with you that you will mother more children. God is a good God. We dont know why...i still dont know why i went through so much for so long, nor why my oldest daughter had to suffer so with no siblings for so long...but mourning last for just a comes in the morning!! I am so praying for you. & I only am telling you all this again (i dont know if i told you this all in my orginal post) so that you are not alone...even if you feel that way...because i know you do..i have been there...and that there is hope...& things change for no apparant reason! please keep us posted. Yay!!!! so much for you!!! i am doing a little jig! (and if you saw would know it's not so little! :)

  24. Sending prayers to you. Everything that can be crossed is crossed.

  25. Prayers and good thoughts - I'm hoping for you!

  26. bzoooooom - that's positive energy flowing your way, with lots of happy, shiny thoughts from me.

  27. I am keeping you--seed and all--in my prayers. And as I read over your list of "numbers," all I could think was how your hormones have just been through the wringer! I feel for you (hormones turned me into the "crazy pregnant lady" every time).

    And again, I think you are so brave to share your experiences with us.

  28. I'm praying for you. I can't imagine the heartache you have been facing.

  29. I will be thinking of you!!

  30. Nothing but shiny happy thoughts for you!!!!!

    We would be so thrilled for this to happen.

  31. Many many many good thoughts going your way. I hope this is the one. :-)

  32. Thinking of you! Sending you lots of positive healthy baby vibes!


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