I am meaner than this.

Had my recheck at the OB today.

The baby is moving (heart breakingly awesome that was) and growing but that giant ass hemorrhage is not disappearing despite a lot of bleeding the last two days.

The OB's prognosis is "guarded but optimistic". I can live with that.

In fact, it gives me hope. Changing docs was a good move.

I've been warned that I have approximately TWO CUPS of blood in there that has to come out somehow, which of course, freaks me out.

But today I am going to allow myself some hope.

I am going to start believing that this baby and I are meaner than this.

Getting Jack here was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I did it. He was a fiesty little thing, even from the get go.

I can do it again.

I CAN do it.

I can overcome the fear and anxiety and the darkness of some of these days.

I am meaner than this.

I can do this.

Right?