Monday, July 19, 2010

A milestone, for both of us

I picked Jack up from school 2 weeks ago on a Friday and he VERY proudly announced that he had tied his own shoes.

We have been working on this skills for ages, and I wondered if it were really true.
Sure enough, we got home and he showed me how he could do it. All by himself.

As the weeks have passed he has gained an amazing amount of speed at the task (much to my relief, I was having to warn him we were leaving a full 15 minutes before we needed to leave in order to leave enough shoe tying time!).

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I had a little sniffle about the whole thing. It is the first milestone I have not been present for. My husband (not very kindly) reminded me that he is about to start doing a lot of things without me as kindergarten nears.
And wouldn't you know it? Today the school district called and said they ARE going to have one half day classroom after all, and Jack is IN!

This is a tremendous relief as I felt like we were really stuck between a not ideal choice of schools with a half day program and going to school 8+ hours a day (which, no matter what the rest of you might say, Jack is simply not ready to do).

An answer to this worried mama's prayers indeed.

On a completely unrelated note:
I am still struggling to feel like myself, to find myself in this mess of a journey. I have decided that part of getting back to my life as I know it is to come back here. To blog again. Regularly. And I am going to commit to doing just that this week.

I have been emailing with a certain very good blogger friend a lot lately (she has really helped keep me going, whether she knows it not) and something I said in an email last week really struck me as the "heart of the matter".

I want to share it here, in all of it's f*bomb glory because I have to start getting some of this out to get beyond it.

"I thought this time it *might* be different. I thought b/c the journey to get here has been so hard that I would just be so FUCKING HAPPY to be pregnant that I wouldn't mind heartburn and puking and insomnia and pain and crying at the drop of a hat. But screw that, it still sucks. LOL

And this time there is genuine, gut wrenching fear that I didn't have with Jack.

I really need maternity clothes, but ordering them? Makes me break out in a cold sweat. Like somehow this is not really happening and I am just kidding myself. That somehow when the clothes arrive on the porch I will lose this baby and I will have ruined it all ordering damn elastic waisted shorts.

It's hard.

It's all just hard.

No two ways about it really."

But I ordered the shorts. And Jack has started to ask about the new baby.

And we are going to get past this.

I might be crying the whole way, but we are. Ha.

Back tomorrow with something more like my *usual* blogging fare.

You know, usual back before the shit hit the fan type of stuff?

I only vaguely remember it. You probably only vaguely remember it too. :-)


  1. Well, WELCOME BACK, Sarah! I am so happy for you and your family. I have been praying, crying and laughing with you and for you for some time now. You almost feel like family ;-) Anyway, I love your blog and they way you are just 'you', and am so glad you will keep it up! So, okay, I will go back to lurking...Take care, sweetie. Hugs from a 'friend' in Oregon. --Leslie

  2. Gosh, I should read what I write before I 'publish'. I meant to say, "the way you are just 'you'." Not, they way! I think I will take a cue from you and actually start blogging and not just reading. Well, will see if I have anything to say, ha! Best get on with my day.

  3. well i totally agree with you. Jack only needs 1/2 a day if even that! and how did you get him to tie his shoes? i have a super smart 5 year old girl that i cant get to tie her own shoes so we just do slip ons or flip flops. but she should learn right?? ugh! she's reading so that's something right.
    and your fears about ordering maternity clothing is not unfounded...but it wont "jinx" your pregnancy. you are past the "dangerous" stage!! That's so exciting!!!
    Glad you are trying to get back to normal...but seriously...what is normal??
    take care. you will get through & the result will be worth it.
    love, wendy

  4. Oh Sarah, it is great to hear the fight back in your 'voice' and yes the whole sickly thing does suck. No matter what, it just does. So you drop all the f bombs you want! But is is a great sign that your body is doing what it is supposed to do.

    My son was seven before he could tie- his twin kept doing it for him- like so many things.

  5. I agree that a half day kindergarten for kids that are used to being at home is best. My kids did the half day and they are BOTH very well adjusted, smart kids! I'm glad you didn't have to make that decision! One less decision to make is ALWAYS good!

    I know you are a big fan of freecycle...have you tried posting a "wanted" ad for maternity clothes? Just a thought. Maybe the offerings would be too scary...I don't know!

  6. Sarah how fabulous that Jack can do his own laces. It is something that you seem to work on forever with them and then all of a sudden it 'clicks' and they can do it easily.
    Glad to have you back blogging with your usual open self.
    Totally understand your fears with this pregnancy and sending lots of positive thoughts and love your way

  7. Go Jack!

    As for the jinxing/fear thing, I hear you. I felt that way throughout the whole pregnancy with Katrina and it sucks. But I found that thinking about maternity clothes as "clothes that I need as my belly gets bigger" instead of "clothes that I need to grow a baby" made it better. Yes, I realize that it was a very, very fine distinction, but those types of distinctions allowed me not to feel like I was tempting fate all the time. You have already come so far Sarah!

  8. Hurray for Jack! And thank goodness he's going to be in the half day class. A full day is waaaay to long for kids that age.
    If you're still puking that often, I think you should at least be puking into something prettier than a trashcan!


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