Dreaming, a little.

Miss Thing is still not moving around in there a lot, at least not that I can feel. At 20 weeks I thought for sure by now I would have her reassuring little thumps to keep me company more regularly. Either way, time is marching on and I figured it was time to start letting go of the fear (or at least try to) and start planning.

Maybe even dream just a little.

I am still in love with the lavender/jadeite green combo. So when I saw this quilt on fleabay while searching for doll quilts, I knew I wanted it.
The description was seriously vague, but the price was right.

It's in better condition than I expected. (Which means I will NOT be cutting it up to use as one of the doll quilts for the mini quilt wall!)
The prints are really faded, but they are the perfect pink/purple/green combination.
Now I am stewing on how I might like to display it in Miss Thing's room.

After we went to lunch last week and bought her a dandy of her own, Jack and I went into Babies R Us and set up a super tiny registry. (Which I really only did because they gave me a free gift card for doing so.)

They give you a book of "everything you need to have a baby" (or so they think) and I sat down with it Friday night and crossed off everything I think is unnecessary and all the things I kept from Jack. I was left with a list of things to start looking for secondhand.

Bright and early Saturday morning I plugged in a list of "BABY" garage sales and set off without the boys to see what I could find. It seems like when you are looking for baby junk the yard sales are really either disgusting, old, stained, horrible trash or you hit the mother lode.

I did manage to find one good sale Saturday (mostly clothes, not a lot of the practical stuff on my list).

Look at what she sold me for a dollar. Cherry Robeez. Jack lived in Robeez for nearly 2 years.

Ack, I could die from the cuteness. (If only they were a bigger size! Tiny babies don't really need shoes, now do they?)

Perhaps I am coming around to this girl thing after all. :-) (Another redhead would be wonderful though!)

Just some stuff

ARGH! Blogger just ate my post.
Way back before we moved I bought a box of quilt pieces from another blogger. When I saw this piece in her photos I knew it had to be mine.

Except when it arrived this piece was HUGE and I had no clue what to do with it.

It took me several months of thrift store stalking to find a big enough frame (I swear it is 4 feet tall). Then when I was on bedrest Dave painted a piece of beadboard for the back and I hotglued the quilt piece in it.

It now FINALLY has a home above the sofa.

Love it.
This morning I bought Martha's new Halloween mag in Costco.

I REALLY want to make these owls for the front door.

After kindergarten today Jack and I are going to buy Miss Thing her very own "dandy". (A.K.A. Security blanket). When I asked him if he wanted to pick it out he said sure, then followed it with:

"I don't think she will want yellow (the color of his dandy), I think she'll want pink."

The dandy was the very first thing I bought for Jack, so it's kind of a special day around here. :-) (No matter what color he chooses. I am kind of leaning towards green.)

Can you blame me?

I stopped at a yard sale a few houses away from our house around 1 pm on Saturday. Late! And yet, there it was, an aluminum tree, in it's box, sitting on the driveway.

For $25.
So I bought it. Never mind that I already have one and didn't need another. I looked for one of those babies for so long and could never find one I could afford!

Can you blame me?
I also recently bought this KD vintage repro cotton chick.
Some 1980's era valentines.

And a handful of ornaments.

Now, if I could just find my sewing mojo.

I have a HUGE pile of sewing projects I really need to get done.

But I am so tired. And so ready for fall.

And itching to decorate for Halloween. (!!!)

P.S. Thanks for the baby love. I really, really thought I was dying for a girl, but when the OB said he was 80% sure she was a girl I was more shocked than anything. I was pretty sure we were going to have another little redheaded boy. :-)

Now that I am warming up to the idea I am DREAMING of a mini quilt wall in her room, a la Hillary . I wish vintage doll quilts were easier to find! (Or that I had that sewing mojo. 20 little quilts is a lot of sewing.) :-)

Would you like to meet...

I sometimes think that if you haven't been down this road of multiple miscarriages, infertility, fertility drugs, weeks of bleeding while pregnant, etc. it's easy to think that it's time for me to just "relax." To enjoy being pregnant.

But in reality, the best way I can think of to describe this to you is to say that if you put me in the middle of an NFL stadium, a tiny little dot on the 50 yard line, and let me just pour it all out, my worries and anxiety would fill up every inch of the stadium.

I am fragile.

My OB totally gets that. Other health professionals? Not so much.

Today I had my hospital ultrasound and the baby is in a really bad position for scanning. It's breech and tightly curled up and just darn hard to see. I already KNOW all the parts are there, I have had an ultrasound at least twice a month until now.

Anyway. All of that is to say that there was drama at the hospital again today. Scary doctors saying all kinds of unnecessary things and so forth. I called my OB from the hospital, who called the doctor there and set him straight about scaring me to death. And then demanded to hear the "no bullshit" version of what was going on with our baby.

And he was assured that everything is fine. Hard to see, but fine. And while I do not trust random doctors who make vague remarks about the health of my baby, I do trust (and love) my OB.

And we now have two guesses about the sex of said baby. Guesses because of the awkward position, but maybe you'd like to meet...

Miss Thing?

A girl.

(See what I mean about her bad position?)

Now. Miss Thing, we are at 19 weeks. We are halfway to having you in our arms. Hang tight in there, okay? This mama is still fightin' hard.

Even if looking at all those pink things at the consignment sale last week caused me to hyperventilate a bit. :-)

Quotes from a kindergarten teacher

As Dave and I pulled up to pick up Jack this afternoon, his teacher came over to the van.

"You didn't tell me what a smart and bright little boy he is!"
We both laughed.
"Umm, well, we were keeping it a secret." Joke. Kind of. (Except for the entire internet universe, of course.)
"That's okay. A lot of times parents will say that and it isn't always true..."
More laughing on my part. That's kind of why I don't bring it up, I remember those days from teaching myself. "If it is true it shows itself quickly anyway."

It's okay Mrs Kindy, I trust you can sort it out. Besides, Jack isn't *any* kid, he can't hide it for long!

And just like that

And just like that,
my sweet little baby,
my curious toddler,
my mischievous two year old,
my only sometimes cooperative three year old,
my four year old show off,
my bright and interested five year old,
is off to kindergarten.

At the elementary school.

Wow.

P.S. Look at that kid! What a beautiful kid he is. When I see those photos I totally remember why I am desperate to have another. I love him more than is humanly possible. :-)

P.P.S. For the most part I am totally cool with him going to kindy. Dave and I try very hard to raise Jack with the goal of raising a great human being who is moving forward in the world. We try hard to not hang on to the past, no matter how tempting it might be. And frankly, much of the time what's been ahead has been cooler than what was behind anyway.

P.P.P.S. (LOL) I love my blog too. It has not always been easy to keep this thing going, to take the pictures, to tell the stories, to invest the time and energy. But this little web place holds so much of our story, of life with Jack, and it is so darn easy to come here and find it all. It has become an awesome gift to myself.

A fabric score

Because it has been so hot I have done very little yard saling. I decided to hit just two sales on Saturday morning, one of which randomly popped up in a craigslist search based on the street name, and which I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

I knew when I pulled up that her "fabric sale" would be interesting.

She was selling her "leftovers" for $1 a bag. I went back again later in the morning and filled another bag. LOL

So what did I get?
A pile of ticking fabrics, including some vintage pink ticking that used to be garment bags. (I happened to find a tag remnant on one of the pieces.)
Border prints! My favorite things. :)
The print on this is made of tiny x's so it looks like cross stitch.
I wish I had yards and yards of this one. Love.
This part hurts a little. Tablecloths. With pieces cut out of them. Except they don't appear to have been "cutters". They are in perfect condition, not even tiny holes or stains. And she chopped pieces off them. Arggggh.

I am hoping it will make it easier for me to cut up the rest of them then.
Some fat quarters of 1930's repro fabrics.
Pieces of dish towels she had cut up. I am thinking coasters for the roses. There isn't very much left. (Did I mention she was scissor happy? LOL)
A mix of new and vintage flowery fabrics.
I am particularly fond of this one. I bought a bunch of new Japanese magazines in Chicago and this one is very much like the stuff I love in those magazines.

I did manage to buy some other stuff this weekend too. It was nice to find something to buy. I will try and be back with that soon, but kindergarten starts tomorrow and I have an OB appt on Thurs. I already have nerves and am near tears on both counts. Oy.

School lunches, orientation and then some

I want to be here more. I really do. I have plenty of things to show you still (lots of redecorating happening), but many days I am just so BLAH. Maybe if the heat ever breaks. Or maybe when Jack starts kindergarten next week. (?!?! Crazy, but cool.)

We had kindy orientation yesterday. I have already moaned about it* on facebook (dumping a fundraiser on us on open house day? gag), but I thought I would bring up the school lunch menu here, since we had already discussed lunches during Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

Here's a sample of what they are feeding kids** at our elementary school. In a pretty solid middle/upper middle class suburb in one Money magazine's ten best cities to live in (raise a family in maybe?) a few years back.

The kids get a choice of two main dishes, which they must choose at 9 am and then they MUST stick to that choice at lunchtime or there will not be enough food for the bigger children later in the day. According the principal at orientation that is.

Lunch costs $1.95 and milk is $.60

Weds:
Corn Dog
Fish Munchies (?)
Raw veggies
Chocolate Pudding
Icy Fruit Bar

Thurs:
Popcorn chicken
BBQ Rib sandwich
French Fries
Pears

Monday:
Chicken Rings
Cheese quesadilla
Tater Tots
Frozen blueberries with whipped cream

Thurs:
Chicken Nuggets
BBQ Rib Sandwich
Whipped Potatoes with Gravy
Pears

There are plenty of days with pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, nachos, etc.

The breakfast choices were equally appalling. What the hell is a "breakfast gravy pizza" anyway? Or a "sausage pancake on a stick"?

Potatoes as the "vegetable" nearly every day??? (Jack won't even touch potatoes most of the time.)
Where are the real vegetables?
Icy fruit bar as "fruit"?
Whipped Cream on the berries?
BBQ Rib sandwiches for kindergartners?
Where are the whole grains??
No beans anywhere?
Nothing like lettuce or spinach?
Hell, no celery even?
And this one kills me, there is NO rice. At all. In two months worth of menus. Rice (brown) is SUCH an easy grain for kids!

The whole thing was seriously depressing. I think you might be better off eating McDonalds every single day for lunch.

I called my girlfriend, who lives in a much more rural district than we do, and her menu is slightly better. There was rice and broccoli (with chicken) and whole grain breads,etc. They still had crap, but slightly better. They have a fairly high percentage of kids on the free lunch program, and I am not sure if that works into funding or not.

Have you seen a new lunch menu yet? What was it like? I am really curious.

BE SURE TO READ THE COMMENTS! An interesting discussion usually ensues on these topics and I respond there. :-)

*I often wonder if I have unrealistic expectations for Jack. I mean, he is nearly 6 years old and I DO NOT refer to "hand sanitizer" as "soapy soap", which is what is printed on all the dispensers at school. I was kind of mortified when they automatically opened his milk and cookies for him when they gave them a snack. He CAN do it himself! Even if we put aside all issues of academics, I don't really think a 6 year old needs a grouchy bear as "discipline" for not following the rules. At home we tell Jack that his behavior is inappropriate, using those words. I really felt like they treat them like babies.

** If it matters, the lunch thing is not an issue for us this year. I have opted to have Jack in the ONLY half day classroom in the entire district, and he will not be eating at school.

Getting out of dodge

Since we have done NOTHING this summer, we decided on the spur of the moment to go to Chicago last week.
We stayed in a super swank (and yet crazy cheap) Hyatt that was so close to IKEA you could smell the meatballs. See it back there?

Visits were made to IKEA (of course!), Legoland, Mitsuwa for Japanese sewing magazines, and one of my most favorite flea markets in the world. And Jack got to do two of his most favorite things - swim in the hotel pool and eat at the breakfast buffet. That kid, he LOVES a hotel breakfast, lol.

Despite it being a 100 boiling degrees non stop in St Louis, Sunday morning in Chicago was so chilly I needed to buy a jacket at the flea market. A wonderful break really.
This flea is usually so full of goodies that I run out of money and space to carry it all home. Not so this time. :-(

I bought these three matching flour sacks, which are destined for frames in our bedroom.
A sparkly light fixture (upside down here) for the small hall bath where there is still a bare lightbulb and no room for a chandy.
And two rulers.

And nothing else.

I don't know if I am not in the mood for junk, have become extremely selective with junk since we moved into the new house or there is just no junk to be had, but I am CERTAINLY not finding oodles and oodles of stuff like some other ladies we know are.

Oh well, it was nice to get away from the drama that has become our life for a few days.

(And IKEA never disappoints, except it was SO, SO crowded no matter when we were there. Insanely crowded. As was Legoland. All of humanity was in the area that weekend I am positive!)

That vomit inducing panic. Again.

So. The OB visit didn't go very well. After the usual blah blah about bloodwork and stuff we tried to have another look at the baby on the ultrasound.

I could tell immediately that something was not right.

He (I still don't know, but we are going to call it a he for now, okay?) was dreadfully still and the heartbeat was faint and hard to see and looked very slow.

The OB turned the screen towards him and kept trying.

After an agonizing few minutes he decided we needed a different u/s machine and doppler RIGHT NOW.

At this point I am pretty sure I am having that going to faint or puke thing happening again, so I try taking deep breaths.

It takes several minutes to get all the other patients moved around to make room for me.

We have a look on the second ultrasound. He finds a good heartbeat, but it did slow down a little again. (Dave says it's because everything was rushed and chaotic and he had moved the ultrasound thing a little and lost the heartbeat. Me? Not so easily convinced. I went back to this OB because he tends to be very optimistic and rock solid in his ability to deal with crises without panic. I could tell by the look on his face, which I have seen on a million other health professional's faces by now, that something bad was going down.)

And there we are.

Me totally sure that everything is going to hell in a handbasket, a note on the chart now that the baby has exhibited "brachychardia" and I am back on high risk pregnant lady status with ultrasounds every two weeks.

Google has a million opinions about this issue, which range from totally normal in the second trimester (something about the way the heart is forming) to could be from dehydration to could be a total disaster with a baby with a serious heart problem.

The OB says, and I quote, that there is "no need to push the fucking panic button", but I have to wonder if this ever ends for me?

I am trying very hard to believe this was random.

I have to believe this is going to be okay.

I simply CANNOT fathom any other outcome.

Cannot.

You guys always have a broad range of experiences with pregnancy and kids. I am really hoping someone will be able to chime in with some words of wisdom here.

Because God help me, this is certainly a test that I am struggling to pass.

The inferno goes on

Yesterday it was 104 degrees by 1 pm here. Even though we have central a/c it simply cannot keep up with this kind of heat. As a result our bedroom is seriously hot at night. (We really need to add another a/c vent to that room. But that requires a bigger blower motor. Oh yea, and some kind of fan to the attic. And $$$$$.)

Earlier this week we bought a new mattress at Costco because I have been having serious pain in my hips and pelvis* (and neck and shoulders, and, and, and ha).

Our old mattress was still in our room, waiting to move to the basement if we decided to keep the new mattress. (Which we will be. After resorting to the old one last night I am a MESS again this morning. A gaggy, aching mess.)
I decided at 10 pm last night we should just camp in the living room. It was several degrees cooler in there.

So we did.

And since it will be another blazing hot inferno of a day here (AGAIN, when will it stop? hottest summer I can remember), I expect I will find Jack, clad only in pjs, camped out there all day long.

Which is just fine with my aching, gagging, sweating self.

Yes indeed.

Besides, how can you not love "the flowers bed" (what Jack always called our bed as a toddler) in the living room?

*Jack and I were walking every morning which was really helping that pain. Even early in the morning it is just too darn hot right now. Boo.

On the farm

I've decided that being in the second trimester in the summer (even the inferno summer we are having this year) is just about perfect. Past the nausea but not to the "dying from having too big of a baby in the belly" yet phase. It is PERFECT for gobbling up the deliciousness of summer.
And the peach farm has been calling to me since June, well before the peaches were ready. So Saturday I gave up on crappy yard saling and we went to the farm.
Oh yea, come to my belly.
We scrounged up a quart of blackberries for Dave while we were out there.
It was hard, hot, sweaty, wet (from the rain) work!
The only disappointment was that none of them were ripe. So now I have to wait for one to get ripe enough for me to pluck it from the row and devour it.

Yummmmmmmmmy.

I have my next OB appointment on Thursday this week. I will be 16+ weeks, which is the week we found out Jack was a boy. I am desperately hoping the new little fish will show me the goods then too!