On mothering, two months in
I am not really sure how it is that two months have passed already, but they have.
It's been a bit of blur of sleepless nights, hours and hours spent holding and jiggling and slinging and shhhhing and juggling. Lots of juggling. Juggling you and Jack and the house and kindergarten and four cats and mealtimes and laundry and so forth.
It's amazing to me how quickly one falls in love again. You have your first child and you think you could never love someone that much ever again and then you have your second child and wham! you do.
Lately I have been thinking about some of the things I want to remember about these moments:
How beautiful your eyelashes are (you were born with none at all!)
How your head feels cupped in my hand during the many hours we spend nursing in our blue chair
The sweet way you smile up at me when you are full of milk
How you are starting to laugh already!
All the little noises you make
The way you swim like a little froggy in the tub
And some things I will be happy to forget about (which will certainly happen):
How much it frustrates me when people go on about daddy's girl (I worked so damn hard for both you and your brother to be born. Soul sacrificing hard. It's hard on my spirit to be taken for granted.)
The colic. Dear Lord the colic. Two babies with reflux AND true colic? How did I get so lucky!
The worry. You've developed a bit of a flat spot on your head which worries me endlessly. I spend many hours repositioning your head, stretching your neck muscles and working on tummy time in the hopes of avoiding a helmet.
And a few things that are surprising:
My confidence. With Jack I fretted over single stinking decision I had to make. This time I just do it. My mama voice says Hey Sarah, you know what to do, and off I go.
The breastfeeding. Just a few short weeks I was HATING every single minute of it. We seem to have worked out our difficulties and to be perfectly honest right now it is so much easier than bottles. It is easier to feed you in the middle of the night, it is easier to feed you on the go and it is working perfectly. I do find it surprising that if I give you a few ounces of formula once a week it starts to instantly undermine my breastfeeding confidence. All of a sudden I find myself doubting - are you hungry? are you getting enough milk? are you crying because you are starving to death? and then you refuse a bottle and I get my wits back about me and get on with getting on.
And there we are. After waiting nearly two years for you I can hardly believe how quickly you are growing and how amazing it is to be a mama twice over.
Love ya baby girl.