Help me find the faith
I have been really struggling again the past few days.
This little *problem* of mine is ever present, making it ever present in my mind.
I went ahead and booked an appointment with a specialist today but it will take a month to get in.
In the meantime, I was watching Grant roll over (!) just now and I thought that what is really missing right now for me is faith. And that ever elusive hope.
My much trusted OB and my urologist FIL both say there is PLENTY of hope to be had here. That what I really need is a lot of time for healing. (Of course that's easier said than done, huh? I have two babies and one big kid.)
Also the internet. Lord, the internet is full of nothing but horror about these problems.
But we are odds beaters, my clan and I. They swore Sammi would die or have to be aborted or I would need a hysterectomy and look at her now. They swore I was never going to have more kids and look at us now. They swore Grant was totally messed up and had no muscle tone and here he is rolling over well before 4 months.
And it's not just that. What got me through all those days of infertility and loss was hope. At some point I had to put my head down and decide that nothing mattered. I had to BELIEVE beyond everything that I was going to have more kids.
I just soldiered on. I didn't think about every little thing. I didn't allow myself to obsess about it all.
I just did what had to be done.
I also had all of you. I knew I had all of you in my corner, rooting me on with Sammi, hoping and praying for us both.
From the very small number of people who emailed I gather not many of you have been in this place. But maybe you have been in another place where time really did heal all wounds? Or maybe right now YOU are struggling with something you would like to share and we can focus on keeping the faith together?
I do believe in strength in numbers. Lay it on me, won't you?
Labels: Family life