Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Thinking about thinking
Right now I wake up to a crying kid (always Grant), go to sleep to a crying kid (Usually Grant, but often Sam and on a REALLY bad day all three of them), wake up at 2 30 am to a crying kid (Grant again) and listen to crying, fighting kids for all the many hours in between.
I get three hours one day a week without any of them (if I am lucky, during the last few months there have been illnesses and school holidays and blah blah).
I try very hard to make time for MYSELF each day - sewing after dinner - but let's be honest here - it's always done while they are crying or calling my name or fighting. Yes, it's Dave's time to take care of them, but it's not as if I cannot hear them.
Dave and I have often had the "you get to go to work" argument. It's not really about the going to work part though, is it? I think today I realized it's not. It's that there is a lunch break and about 45 minutes in the car, each way, with no children.
There is HEAD SPACE there, thinking space.
I really have got to find a way to get 30 minutes of that per day.
I am just am not resetting each night when I go to sleep. Each day when another kid wakes me up crying I just die a little thinking "AGAIN WITH THE CRYING*?!?!" (It's been four straight years of this at this point, and I am feeling every minute of it lately.) Every day is the same - feed them 30 times, clean up after them 30 times, referee 30 times, change 5 poopy diapers...and on and on.
We have a huge house, a 500 sq ft playroom in the basement, a fenced in yard and yet the amount of time these kids spend more than 5 feet away from me every day? About 5 seconds. Right now they are both sitting ON THE OTTOMAN of the chair I am sitting in. Jack would be in my space too, but he is still at school.
So today I have been pondering this problem. How (and when and where) to squeeze in thirty minutes of thinking time on a daily basis on top of making time to be creative (and clean the damn house and care for the children and do all the other nonsense).
I'm thinking morning is the only space and walking is the only way, but Dave has been leaving here at 4 30 in the morning and getting up at 4 to go for a walk is only going to make me bitchier. LOL
I guess the good/bad news it will be another week before I have another 12 minutes in a row to even think about this problem!
*I swear Jack was a really high strung kid, but I do not remember this much damn crying all the time.