Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Heart on the outside

Jack picked these flowers for me on a recent hike in the woods. It is so amazing to see how much he is growing up, and yet, he isn't. Jack was the most independent kid ever until a few months ago. He wasn't one for cuddling, he would happily run off and do his own thing, only to look back once and twice to see if I was still there. Suddenly, he is really struggling with independence.

Today was the third week of preschool, and it seems that seperating from me is getting harder, not easier. I remember when he was a tiny, I would have these moments where I felt like I had misplaced him because he was on the outside, not the inside where I could feel him moving and hiccuping the days away. When I left him today at school, him sobbing, big tears rolling down his cheeks, clutching his Dandy, I felt like I had misplaced him again. I had to choke back my own tears and rush to the car.

Having a child really IS like wearing your heart on the outside.

A WIP (work in progress), a Halloween advent calendar. Let me tell you, cutting out those 90 million little tiny pieces of felt is not so easy! There are 6 different pieces in that Jack-o-lantern alone. I still need to do the embroidery and cut out some words, but then all that is left is to piece the thing together. I will be sure to share it with you when all is said and done.

In the meantime, back to sewing, or something, anything really, to keep my mind off Jack.


  1. Anonymous8:06 PM

    I'm a lurking-reader who loves your blog, and I was just moved to write and say your "misplaced" sentiment is so beautifully articulated. My little one is only nine months old but already I can see how it must be when they can really *tell* you that they miss you. Poor, poor you. It will get better. Honest.

  2. Oh hon, you do know that it will get better, right? Everyday that I leave Katrina is hard, so I completely understand what you are feeling. How is he for the rest of the day? Does he just cry when you leave or is he unhappy for a good chunk of the day?

    I am sending you both lots and lots of good thoughts and a big hug too.

  3. This is a great little blog you have here! Thanks for visiting my blog! I still cant believe i got that lunchkit for 10 cents! But I sure love your sons wee school pack with the alligator!!

  4. I know/have heard that it will get easier. Just like the reflux got easier. And the colic. And the screaming all day and the crying and ripping hair out- and the screaming. We love our little bundles and I think that the more trouble they are to us the more we seem to care and love them. The more they make our lives hell the more we want to reach out and protect them from every tear and ripped pant-leg. It sucks that we would do them a disservice by that.

    You be well. Take care. Get all the cuddles you can this weekend.

  5. Hang in there, hon!!

  6. Oh dear! What a wonderful way to put into words how you felt leaving Jack at school. I don't have any children yet (we'll be trying soon!) but can imagine how it must feel. I'm sure it will get better.

    Your Halloween calendar is goingt o be so wonderful and treasured. I can't wait to see it!

  7. you have expressed these difficult seperation feelings so beautifully.
    The MOST important thing is that Jack knows -that you know- you will both be just fine untill you are together again.
    I practiced acting when my daughter (now a new mommy) refused to let go of me the first week of pre-school. I can still remember the someone kicked me in the gut, feeling as i walked away from her crumpled sobbing body in the arms of the school teacher.
    It took about 3 weeks and lots of visual reminders before she was comfortable.
    It gets better and better.
    i adore your halloween felt advent pieces! cat wait ti see pictures =)


Hi there. What say you?