20 weeks

Sammi was 20 weeks old yesterday.

Right now you:
Love Sophie.
Are starting to sit in the exersaucer.
Can do a mini pushup to hold your head up.

Are super sweet!

You are also:
starting to give hugs
can grab your toes and suck on them
can suck your thumb
starting to giggle and squeal
can sometimes roll from belly to back
can grab objects and get them to your mouth
love to snuggle
starting to take longer, more regular naps
love your little friends on your play gym and bouncy chair
are fascinated with sparkly things
starting to look out the car windows and notice the world around you
a pretty darn easy baby - if you are fed, dry and not exhausted it's all good
still nursing (and sometimes even if you are starving and I don't have much milk you would prefer the comfort of nursing over the ease of the bottle)
starting to hold onto a bottle
a twirler - you love wrapping my shirt around your fingers

5 months, here we come! (And boy is it going fast or what?)

I've lost the will to live.

My love for Sammi in this gymboree fishy hat is unbridled.
I could gobble her sweet summery cheeks all day. Some stranger on the train this morning said to me that she was the most perfect baby ever and that she wished she had a camera so she could take a picture of her. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
So. I spent ALL WEEK last week cleaning out this room in our basement. It's about 600 sq feet and it was packed all the way to the ceiling with crap. Boxes that never got unpacked, holiday crap, baby crap, furniture that didn't fit in this house, etc etc. I sold, I donated, I gave away until all that is left to be gotten rid is a small pile of stuff in the middle. If that doesnt sell by next weekend to thrift store it will go. (And a lot of what you see in the middle are EMPTY totes. Who has empty totes? I DO! Loads of them.)

I am hoping some more of it sells though, I am still a little shy of the money I need to buy Dave the "toy," aka iPod, he wants and to buy myself the toy, aka Boon Flair High Chair, that I want.
Then we spent a good part of the weekend emptying the garage. It was also so packed you couldn't walk in there. We gave away, we sold, we donated, we made a big pile for bulk trash pick up. And now? Lordy it is SO NICE to be able to walk in the garage. I can keep the trash can in there!

I've been working so darn hard I thought we might go to the gypsy caravan this morning. It's a big annual flea market that the St Louis symphony holds at UMSL every memorial day.

BIG mistake. It was hot and so damn crowded that after 30 minutes I left. Me? Leave a flea after 30 minutes? Yes, I did. Everything is over priced, it's too crowded to get close to anything and I was SO SICK of hearing nosey nellies making comments about how hot my baby must be. (She was completely sunscreened, covered by my moby wrap and her sun hat and happily sleeping. Babies who are dying aren't usually taking a little snooze while sucking their thumbs.)

I will never understand why everyone feels the need to make comments about other people's children.

Anyway, I have clearly lost the will to live as not only did I hot tail it out of that flea market after 30 minutes but I yelled back at the Nellies quite loudly THAT MY BABY IS JUST FINE THANKYOUVERYMUCH (at which point Dave looked at me like I have lost my mind).

LOL

And that's what's been happening over here. Hopefully this week I am going to get some time with my sewing machine. Just after we finish the last week of school, I go to Costco, I take the van to be repaired. Oy. You get the idea...

Doing

First, and most important!, Bon Jovi was AWESOME. Never mind that I spent the whole morning throwing up (some allergy problem made me so dizzy I was about to die, I haven't thrown up in 5 years, what luck!). Never mind that two tornadoes came ripping through right when I had to leave my baby for the first time with the storm sirens wailing (and Joplin, what a tragedy). And never mind that said baby SCREAMED for 2 solid hours with my mother.

Nothing was keeping me from my boyfriend. Every single one of my favorite songs, live. AWESOME I tell you. Well worth the bazillion dollars it costs to go to a concert these days.

Other than that I have been sewing a little. Jack's new quilt is coming along slooooooooooooowly.

And we are attempting to purge the basement and the garage again. We still have boxes unpacked from when we moved and I am hoping to sell some of that stuff to make some money. (My husband would REALLY like an Ipod. Let's hope "craig" comes through and we can unload some of that junk in exchange for cold, hard cash.)

:-)

Even better, in 3 days we will be on the road for one of those world's longest yard sale gigs. With Sammi in tow this time. (I've learned my lesson sweet cheeks. Where mama goes, you go.)

Wish me luck with that! LOL

A glass half full

I have been feeling so freaking burnt out for awhile now.

It's been hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But tonight I sat rocking Sammi to sleep on our lovely front porch...

while Jack and Dad played baseball in the big backyard and thought about being grateful for a few minutes.

Right now I am grateful for:
a neighborhood that is so quiet on a beautiful, warm, spring evening that I can rock the baby to sleep on the front porch where my grandma certainly spent many an evening with a little me;
a bank account that is still *just* big enough to pay our wonderful handyman to fix my kitchen, even when it takes twice as long as expected;
awesome seats at Bon Jovi tomorrow;
a little time to sew;
coupons, oddly enough, which have allowed to me to keep our bellies and pantry full for a lot less money, which affords some sense of financial security in an uncertain world;
wal-mart, who ever so kindly put rebate notices from the electric company on the window air conditioners, which will save me 30% on a much needed a/c unit for our sweltering bedroom;
a working telephone again!, which allows me to call Sammi's godmother, who also happens to be the best friend a girl could have, because she will not only understand my excitement over a rebate, but she gets it when I want to sell the kids and/or David to the gypsies;
And the frogs. The frog songs in this house are truly spectacular when it is warm.

How about you?

Picture it

Picture it, Sicily, 1932. Okay, not really.

We were in the car over the weekend and Sammi was doing her scream in the car routine. I was attempting to comfort her with my voice:

"It's okay baby, we are almost home. I know you are hungry. Here I am."
Jack looks over at her and very seriously says:
"No she isn't Sammi. Mommy is in China. No more fresh milk for you! From now on you only get spoiled yucky milk."

LOL That kid! Where does he come up with this stuff?

Man, there are only 4 more days until I see my boyfriend at the Scott Trade Center. Hurry up Sunday!

The birthday tree

I haven't found anything I like on the foyer table as much as a feather tree.
So last week I made it into a birthday tree.
The mirrors make it hard to see the tree, but I am too darn lazy to move it.
There's a party horn on the top.
Small honeycomb ornaments,
Tiny tissue paper fans.
Vintage noisemakers.
Small crepe paper bells.

And a few vintage birthday hats hanging upside down.

I wish I had more vintage birthday stuff, it's a super fun little tree!

A swap perhaps?

Is there anyone reading from the UK who might be interested in a little magazine swap?

I really want a copy of this magazine and I am happy to send you Martha or Country Living or Flea market style or whatever your heart desires.

You can find an email addy for me over there ----> if you are interested in a little trade!

Hapde Burfday to me

Well, hello 36. That last week of 35 was SERIOUSLY shitastic. Epically shitastic*.

Usually on my birthday we have a little blog party.

I show you pictures of my boyfriend:


And then I give away something. Or lots of things.

I have nothing prepared to give away.

And as for the boyfriend? Welllll, he and I FINALLY have a date next Sunday. I have been waiting many, many, many years to see him again.

So, what did I do today?

Well, it is freaking freezing cold after being near 100 degrees all week (barely 50 today) and raining all day. So not a single yard sale. Not a single junking score.

So, instead of my favorite past time I:
ate out twice (haha! take that no eating out rule)
took two naps (short lived thanks to unruly child)
painted my toenails (first time in many years, thank you coupons for free nail polish)
went to homegoods and wandered as long as I wanted to (despite Jackson running around the store with a basket on his head embarrassing me while people laughed at him)
watched some crappy television (I am looking at you Hallmark channel)
browsed a new cookbook (Rachael Ray)
enjoyed a birthday card from Jack that says "thank you for Sam. I wish we could have more babes (sic)" and laughed when he said he wanted to marry her
and went to Target at 9 pm (to buy more nail polish, purple this time)

What I did not do:
laundry, trash, dishes, sweeping, butt wiping, cooking, cleaning, phone answering, mail getting, bottle making

My birthday wish this year is for:
more days like today to just sit on my rear
and more blog followers! (Shameless plea, yes, but I work hard at this blog gig)

And with that, Hapde Burfday to me.

*Those of you on facebook already know we are having a MAJOR bed bug panic over here after Dave got home from Texas yesterday. He came home with what looks like bed bug bites on his face. I was up until 1 am cleaning and washing and bagging everything up and throwing it in the yard. If there is a God in Heaven he will not bring me bedbugs right now. Do you hear me God? NO BED BUGS. TIA.

The parade of stuff resumes

Oh boy.

First let me say a few things-
There are some hurt feelings in the comments on the last post. And the last thing I want around here are hurt feelings (I have enough of my own right now to fill us all up, I can assure you of that!). I wholeheartedly believe that it is EXTREMELY important as women to support one another, even when we do not agree with each other's choices. Mothering is the sort of job where one just has to pick a path and then decide to be okay with the path you choose, no matter what might come down the path at you.

But more to the point, this isn't really about giving her cereal (which her ped has okay'ed, but I am not ready to do and he is fine with that). Cereal isn't really dense enough calorically to make her gain weight. I could bore you all to tears by putting on my teacher lady hat and running all the mathematical computations, but I won't. :-)

It was a very long hard road to get Sammi and generally it was a road I was on alone, for a myriad of reasons. But I have been dancing as fast as I can for as long as I can do it and we are at the brick wall at this point.

This has been a particularly hard week as I am alone with the children for the entire week AGAIN and I am staring down the barrel of my 36th birthday (now just two days away) while feeling the hormonal roller coaster that is the joy of being post partum. Let's couple all of that with the fact that I have no real support - no one to watch the children for even a moment, and well, there you find me, on the edge.

I did tell you I had enough hurt feelings to go around, didn't I? LOL.

Anyway. I always appreciate the advice that everyone offers. Whether I choose to follow it or not, it does give me food for thought.

But, more importantly, it is a very good reminder that we have all found ourselves on the road, struggling to find the way up, and forced to make decisions about things when there is no clear right or wrong way to go.

And although it often feels as if I am on this road alone, I CLEARLY am not. I cannot see you there, but there you always are. :-)

Now before I have to change another diaper or go back to the kindergarten to get Jack, how about a look at the rest of the crap I bought last weekend? I did tell you it was a lot!
Love, love, love this little doll high chair and cannot wait to see Sammi playing with it.
Frames for the hall of frames.
Cute little ghosties. (I actually bought a brown bag FULL of halloween die cuts. They are of the 1970's 1980's vintage variety, but there was some cute stuff in there.)
A quilt. Of course.
Love the soft blue polka dots.
A fun mechanical bunny.
Vintage pillow case yardage.
An old bread box which has been put into service in the laundry room to hold extra soap and fabric softener and stuff.

Ornaments! Finally. I bought a big box full of them, but most of them were plain. It was a little sad actually because the box had things written all over it like "grandma and grandpa's ornaments, break them and you die." And yet they sold them at the flea market for a crazy cheap price. Oy.

This looks like a planter box, but it's clean as a whistle. It has a cute shape and I am trying to decide what to do with it. It clearly needs to be holding *something*, but I don't know what.

Bumps in the mothering road

It's only 8 am and I have just spent the last 90 minutes trying to get Sammi's belly full of milk. Despite being engorged from her sleeping all night and letting her nurse for a full hour this morning, she was still chirping about being hungry.

So I gave her a bottle which she chugged in 3 minutes flat and the chirping has stopped.

All of this comes after much upset (on my part only*) after her 4 month well baby visit yesterday.

She is still stuck at 11 lbs 14 oz. The same weight she was on April 6. So, in more than 30 days my baby has not gained a single, solitary ounce. I never had this issue with Jack and I was OBSESSED with what he ate.

Being the scientist that I am, I started running some calculations. I estimate that I am spending more than 6 solid hours a day feeding the baby between breastfeeding and bottles. (And that seems fine by her, she isn't crying about being hungry. But I suspect that it is because she is essentially eating all day and therefore it is limiting how much she is actually able to eat. If she were eating faster she would be able to consume more.)

She is only awake 12 hours a day.

And since I find myself without Dave 90% of those waking hours and I still have Jack to care for and other meals to prepare and kindergarten car pool and laundry and on and on...well, it is no wonder I am feeling like I am at the end of a very short rope.

This is simply not sustainable for the long term. Not to mention I am putting in all this effort and for what? The baby is not gaining weight.

And yet, for a myriad of very important to me reasons that I cannot just put out there on the internet, I am hesitant to give up breastfeeding entirely. She finds it comforting and I do not want to take that out of our equation just yet.

Last night I thought I had a *PLAN*. Alternate breast and bottle, work to get at least 5 more ounces of milk in her per day, yadda yadda yadda.

Except that plan included her being full from our morning nursing session.

And then, this morning, right on cue, suddenly she isn't full from that either.

Sometimes I wish this mothering thing was easy. Not loaded with emotional land mines.

For now I would just take a baby that gains weight.

Sigh.

*Her ped isn't worried yet, but she has dropped from 50th percentile to around the 10th percentile. And in order to be even close to that mythical "doubled birth weight" she would have to gain 6+ lbs.

The parade of stuff, part two

Friday morning I woke up all excited to go to a yard sale I found that said "vintage fabric remnants". Jack and Dave were off to the field trip and Sammi and were going junking!

Except I then realized the sale didn't start until 4 pm! Bah. It bummed me out all morning.

I managed to squeeze it in on the way home from the Goodwill Outlet though, and I was NOT sorry I did.

The fabric was horrible 1970s double knit polyester, but the other stuff was good.
I bought a giant box filled with vintage play dishes (and some fun vintage cowboy stuff for Jack which I didn't take pictures of). Part of what was in that box was this awesome purple tea set.
This is not the greatest photo, but these are the SWEETEST German children's enamelware dishes, which are already on display in Sammi's room.
This old slate has two sides for writing on, and it is also already at home in Sammi's room.

And there was no way I was leaving this doll bed behind, even though it had the ghastly high price of $5. (I kid, the other stuff was crazy cheap.) It is also already at home in Sammi's room.

Between this stuff and all the stuff we bought at the Goodwill outlet (which there was more I didn't show you - boring stuff like kid's toys and games and lots and lots of books), the van was getting more full than it has in a very long time.

And I still have lots more to show you.

Crazy good junking last weekend.

The parade of stuff

Goodwill opened a new outlet in downtown St Louis last week, so when we had free time on Friday we hauled ourselves down there. (Instead of going to Iowa, like I really wanted to!)

If you don't know about the "goodwill outlet" yet here's a quick rundown - they sell everything by the pound. It is essentially the last stop for all the Goodwill merchandise here. If it cannot be sold in a store (reject for whatever reason) or hasn't sold within x number of days it moves to the outlet. Everything at the outlet is sold out of big blue bins. The bins are on wheels and are rolled onto the floor and then (reportedly, we were there an hour and this did not happen) changed every 30 minutes. Whatever hasn't sold after it has been on the floor for 30 minutes goes into the recycling stream. So, there is NO organization at all. Linens are piled in with clothes, shoes, household goods etc. They did try and keep the books together though. And then everyone and their brother stands around and roots through huge dirty bins.

It was actually pretty fun.

And I bought a lot of stuff.

Pretty plates for the plate wall.
A quilt that was torn into two pieces and sort of ratty (but I can repurpose it).

With cute scarecrows on the back of one half of it.
A metal top.
A hanging rack for Sammi's room when she gets a bit bigger (needs a different coat of paint).
An awesome pyrex bowl (love stripes but never find that pattern!).
A tablecloth that is in "ok" shape.
And aprons (which were perfect).

If you don't mind digging and are looking for stuff that can be repurposed, it's the place to be. If you need nice neat and tidy things that are ready to use, the Goodwill outlet is probably not for you.

Hapde Mudder's Day

This Mother's Day I could tell you that I was wishing for someone else to
sweep the floors
do the wash
clean the dishes
mop up the milk
get the mail
answer the phone
cook the meals
scrub the toilets
sweep the porch
pick up the trash that lands everywhere
gather up the cat hair
or any one of the thousand other things I do in a day.

I could tell you that my day started with
Sammi puking on me
Jack screeching
and hitting and kicking me while having a tantrum
2 loads of laundry
one load of dishes
feeding the baby by 6 am
a howling baby all the way home from the flea market
a husband being out of town for a large part of today and the entire week (UGH)
and a splitting headache.

Or, I could just tell you that when I look at this:
or this:

it is all forgotten.

At least until Jack starts screeching again and Sammi needs to eat (which will be followed by more puke) and the cat yacks on the new rug and Dave gets on the airplane.

:-)

Hapde Mudder's Day!

I will be back this week with a LOT of junk. A metric ton of junk. I am pretty sure this weekend's junking was so good it will fill an entire week's worth of blog posts.