There's been so much going on over here. I feel a lot like there really just is no place to even discuss it. Obviously I use Instagram more than the blog now, but Instagram does not feel like family like it used to here.
Today I am spending hours and hours and hours sitting in a surgical dermatologists office while dave has a sizeable skin cancer removed in a MOHS surgery from his ear. It's in a challenging spot, and who knows what awaits me on this day. Skin grafts, reconstruction, it's all a mystery until the day is over I suppose.
As if that wasn't really stressful enough, my mother was diagnosed with alzheimers last Friday. It's been a pretty rapid decline from her usual airheaded type stuff to where she can barely even use a debit card on her own. I am completely and utterly freaked out about this for so many reasons. First is that she is really the only grandparent my kids know. I am GUTTED for them. Second is that it has rapidly become something else I have to juggle while I still have two small kids, one teenager and no help. (Dave's family doesn't live here, my dad is not any help and my mom was pretty much my only back up.) And I do not even really have a clue where to begin. We still have to see the neurologist, and I am sure they will tell me where to start, but, well, all the feelings and thoughts and things about this. She and I have an extremely complicated relationship as it is, and this development is really forcing me to unpack 44 years worth of mother baggage in about a week's time.
So, there we are. Husband with skin cancer (he had two other spots removed which thankfully were benign, but he's on a 6 month check schedule for a few years), mother with alzheimers, kids with all the kid things, let's not forget my own health issues (hello RA!) and the holidays bearing down on me like a train. I am really trying to just keep swimming, but I swear, all of life is just keep swimming and I am wearing out from it all. :(
