Still here

It’s hard to believe we are still here, but here we are. 

We had Halloween. The kids trick or treated with masks, very few lights were on. I gave out candy on a table on the driveway. We carved pumpkins, watched movies, dressed up like Harry and hermoine. It was ok in the end. The kids actually declared it the best Halloween ever Bc I had prepared crafts and games in advance, just in case we had to make our own fun. And we did just that. 

We had to make second semester choices about school. It was no easier than the first time. We chose virtual again. It was the right choice, as our schools stopped requiring quarantine on thanksgiving week.

We had our big election. The lines were tremendous, even for weeks leading up to the actual day. And then the wait was long. It was joyous after all. 

We had thanksgiving. Just us but I cooked all the usual things. It was amazingly pressure free.

Things started to close again. No more library, business capacity limited, restaurants closing. Death numbers soaring. Toilet paper extinct again. In two days it will be 9 months since my kids got off the school bus for the last time. 

The Christmas trees are up, the advent calendar is going. Tomorrow I’ll go to Costco and make sure I have everything I need for Christmas dinner. Yes, it’s early. But you never know what will be closed when right now. (Often there are no employees).

Several vaccines are at the fda for emergency approval. Maybe by March I’ll be in the pre existing conditions group and be able to get in the line. My kids look forward to having a friend over. What a strange thing. 

There is still this weird thing where mostly it feels ok, but there are hard moments. I just keep sewing and cleaning and cooking and teaching  and just one day at a time. (I took epic Xmas card photos.)

Xoxoxo to anyone still reading 

 

Changes

There is always a lot to come to here to say, and yet, nothing feels quite right. I never could have imagined that with November barreling down upon us we would still be sitting in the midst of an epic shit storm, but here we are. 

Everything feels uncertain, untethered, and yet, so many things just carry on. The leaves are going, the furnace is running, in a few days trick or treat will gd over again for another year (or whatever passes for trick or treat this year). 

We’ve done some Halloween things. 

Jack has acquired a license to drive. Tomorrow, after a year of me sitting in the passenger seat next to him, he drives off without me. It’s only to orchestra at school, bc we are still mightily distancing, but it will be a little odd. Driving is one of the things I was never sure jack would manage, and he’s done an amazing job. When you have an atypical kid you are never quite sure which benchmarks you will actually achieve until you arrive. I am so very proud.

The cats continue to grow.

The kids continue to grow. We have one more day to make a second semester decision about going to school or staying at home. I thought it would be easier this time. It’s not. It’s hard to justify the risk when America posts the highest rates yet every single day. The courthouse is closed again, some schools can’t run bus routes bc too many drivers on quarantine, some dmv offices are closed again, some restaurant capacities are back to 25%, Springfield says they are running out of hospital beds. It’s all still so much. 

(Sam wAs DYING to see this exhibit. As soon as it feels safe I will take her to botanical gardens to see the real deal.) 

And the ever looming election is nearly upon us. 

I find myself unable to tolerate social media, the tv, the radio. Where is the humanity right now? I literally cannot stomach using the name of Jesus to defend these politicians. I just unfriend like crazy right now - my kids aren’t even at school yet 45 claims to have ended the pandemic! I already know I

Am too scared to look at the results next weds. I just keep telling myself that no matter what, at least then it is finite - the end date will be known. 

 

Hapde burfday Jack

My dearest jack,

Somehow we have arrived at 16. 16! 

There have been easy years, killer years and everything in between.

I have to say the past year is probably my favorite. 

I love watching you become your more adult self. 

I’m acutely aware that we spent so many years just inching ever so slowly towards your launching and now we are taking giant leaps every week. It’s easy to start thinking well, how many more years of this do we have? Maybe two? 

Make no mistake though - it’s exciting! I was truly unsure what many of these milestones were going to look like for you for a long time.

You continue to amuse and amaze me every day, and I love you so much! 

I’m sorry there’s no big party this year, but hopefully for 17 we can party like it’s 2020. ;)

Love,

Mom 

 

Hapde burfday Grant!

Dear grant, 

Today you are 8! 

8 is great kid.

You’ve learned to ride your bike this week, had a not so great pandemic trip to the zoo, eaten donuts AND cake and enjoyed one last swim.

You’ve done an awesome job adjusting to pandemic life and school at home. There have been a few bumps (why didn’t you turn in any work?!?), but mostly you’ve just kept on keeping on.

You and Sam have really bonded having so much time together. And I, too, have tried to take extra time to enjoy this time we wouldn’t have normally had together at 7/8. 

You enjoy math, video games, youtube, rising at the crack of dawn, are always helpful, live on sugar, are starting to get sassy, are a friend to everyone, are endlessly curious, love pizza and stuffed animals  and hopefully gaining confidence. 

I can’t wait To watch you grow even more this year! Hapde burfday g man!

Love,

Mom 

First day of school

 

The first day of school was today. I think we should call it the saddest pandemic day for me yet. 

No haircuts, no new outfits, no new shoes, no rush to catch the bus.

In fact, I sat on the porch and watched the bus drive by without my children in it and had a little pity party. The kids have ALWAYS gone to school, starting at age 2. 

Unlike me, they don’t care at all that they weren’t on the bus.

(Jack has decided he prefers glasses to contacts, but the blue coating was all you could see.) 

We’ve had computer issues (and the school says no more chromebooks). 

And I am back to driving jack to school every day for orchestra. It reminds me of the days when I had to drive him to school every day for kindy. That, too, was a difficult school choice, choosing the path only travelled by ten or so other parents in our entire district that year. I’m not sorry I did it. I’m sure one day I won’t be sorry I made this choice either. (It helps that during the ride he asks me about going to Stanford. He’s starting to dream of things beyond us! Hurray!) 

But, it did sting again at 430 when the schools started texting about how amazing it was to be back at school. 

Ah well. Someday they will all be at places like Stanford (god willing) and this, too, will be a rear view mirror memory.

Time warp

Time continues to pass in the weirdest fashion. It’s both amazingly fast and excruciatingly slow. We swim every day. The yard skinks are fat from summer bugs. The weather is oddly amazing. Americans continue to die at alarming rates. Everyone continues to fight about everything - numbers, masks, schools, economy, leadership. 

I continue to be thankful the kids are mostly sheltered from this bullshit. 

It truly feels endless at this point. 

I upped my back to school theme this year with pillows and some glass ornaments. There are no buses coming for my children though.

The kittens continue to grow (and get in everything).

We played around with some costumes I found in the basement. The kids have grown SO MUCH during this. Inches for them both. I often wonder if it’s coincidence or if being at home has been that much better for them.

Bolt is completely bonkers.

The garden has given us so many peppers! Not enough tomatoes though. The plants are starting to look end of summer terrible. I’m hoping the last peppers turn before I need to replant the greens.

 One branch is starting to change already. 

Summer definitely feels long in the tooth already.

I logged into blogger to discover that after 15 years there is a new interface. Here’s hoping it’s working!

Decisions? Check.

 The decisions about school are mostly done. After paying our kids therapist to help us make the decision with jack, our kids will be staying home. Some things are still uncertain with Jack bc of availability, but our part is done.

Things remain much the same here - stay home as much as possible, work on making some areas of the house more “always live at home” friendly (Dave’s office is the current project), swim, watch tv, play with kittens, putter in the garden.

 We’ve had a lot of peaches this year, but the never ending squirrel battle rages on. Still, there’s been enough to put some in the freezer, and feed us too,

 I bought a vase at goodwill, but it took two weeks to get in the grocery store to buy flowers.

 The kittens remain everything we never knew we needed.

The hummingbirds have returned  in Force.

 The thrifts have occasionally been very generous.

Cases of Covid in Missouri are exploding. The mask debate rages on. Schools and camps that have attempted to open find they are overwhelmed with Covid quickly. Baseball briefly resumed, the cardinals now have 13 positive cases and have had to shut down already. It lasted about ten days maybe.

Honestly, it’s easier to just stay home anyway. Here it’s easy to forget the absolute madness going on everywhere.