Back to school

This year the school bus did not leave without us. 

Up until an hour before it arrived I still wasn’t sure I had the guts to do it. 

I worried endlessly about the mask optional situation (I suppose worry endlessly is what you do in a never ending pandemic). In fact, I just sat in a chair for a solid two weeks, which is very unlike me. But what is there to do really? 

The kids put on a play in the last week of summer, the cat hD to be in on it. 

The garden made a few treats. 

It’s been Boiling hot. 

And I put all my first week nervous energy into work. Cleaning, painting, sewing. Worry endlessly. 

But we made it! 

One week down. 

It’s Jack’s senior year. How?!? 

He was just this little weasel last week I’m

Sure. (I love teen Jack - man, he was a challenging little person). 

I got a booster shot the week before school started, nearly the min it was approved for me. I’m still hoping shots for the little kids come soon. 

The rest of the world has fallen apart in the interim, with the worst human rights disaster in a long time going down in Afghanistan. 

It’s all just too much still- the whole world really. 

 

Unprepared

Well. It’s 11 days before school starts. When we signed up for in person school last spring I had zero concerns about the decision. 3 of us had shots, and at that point the risk to kids was small. 

In June the school voted to quit masks. 

I still had few concerns. 

But here we are in august, the delta variant is running wild, kids are in ICU beds, vaccines for the 5-12 group seem a long way off, there are loads of breakthrough cases and at risk people who are vaccinated are still dying. Granted the numbers are small, but, it’s unnerving. 

I was emotionally unprepared for this development. 

In fact, aside from the initial shock of everything closed and no food, this is the most rattled I’ve felt. 

Not going to go school is not a choice. The kids have got to go to school. None of us can carry on endlessly like this. 

I’ve got to somehow get my head around what’s coming. I can get my kids to wear masks, but honestly, I’ve read allllllll the things, and without everyone wearing them the amount of protection is small unless you force them into n95s. No kids can wear an n95 all day like that. 

I feel pretty sure that grant, who often gets strep 5 times a year in a regular school year, will pick this thing up in the first month. 

To have spent 18 months avoiding this and then feel like it’s coming for me soon? I don’t know. Are there words for that? 

I’m really not the most faith filled person. Childhood trauma leaves you with the clear message that you can only depend on yourself. But lord I am trying to fall back on what got me through me all the miscarriages and difficult pregnancies - this will be ok. This time the numbers are in our favor, and certainly this will be ok. It’s unsettling and worrisome, but some day this will be a rear view mirror experience. 

 In the meantime, I continue to hope for shots for my small kids soon and some reasonable guidance from our school district to protect our little kids.