Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Closing in on a year

Somehow it’s been almost a year now since the kids last got off the bus. 6 months from today I am hopeful they will return. I was able to secure my first vaccination (no easy task), but it will still be months for Dave and longer for Jack. Still, it did feel like one small step to a return to some sort of life. 

In the meantime:

The cat played sexy beast;

I switched dentists (this felt like the best way to try and move on from the trauma, this is the view out of his window);
We celebrated Valentine’s Day;
I scrounged a few last things from the garden (and started preparing for this years garden) before 
Two solid weeks of insanely bitter cold (-22 anyone?) and constant snow (including one 8 inch day, but an inch every day or so on top of that) arrived. We had two solid weeks of snow days (which was strange Bc it really makes no difference to us now);
I made a rainbow quilt for March;
We lounged;
The cat decided he would like to eat basketball players;
And grew almost as big as grant; 

And that’s about it. 

Today it’s going to be 65 and the birds are singing and the sun is shining and I am not so patiently waiting for spring. I’m starting to go a bit mad from so much time in the house. There are only so many times you can clean out the pantry and Jack would like to know if I just like making work for myself at this point. (The house is starting to look pretty shabby around the edges. It’s been a lot of living this year.)

Friday, February 05, 2021

11 months of pandemic

Somehow it’s now been 11 months since the kids last went to school. Missouri is last in the nation in the vaccination efforts, and neither my mother (69 with copd) nor I (autoimmune disease) have received a shot yet. That part currently feels hopeless (and today I need to write the governor again). 

The kids and I are already counting how many days of school we have left. Usually I dread summer vacation, but pushing three kids through virtual school every day is such a drag. 

We finally got a little snow. 
Bitter  cold is coming so I cleared out the last few things I left in the garden boxes this fall Bc they weren’t yet big enough. These are still tasty! 

We continue to fidget with some areas of the house to improve them. We fixed up a basement closet which helped me finish the last of storage area organizing. Next up cabinets in the laundry room, but building supplies are in short supply and insanely expensive, so it’s a long wait for the two I need. Dave’s dreaming of finally finishing the master closet, but I swear you can’t buy a single thing at IKEA right now. Hopefully we can finally fix the driveway too, but $$$$ Bc the housing market has gone completely insane. 

The kids are growing so fast that I can barely keep them in clothes. 

I tried to order seeds for the garden and even those are in short supply. It seems nothing escapes the pandemic panic. 

I’m off to bleach laundry grout. Fun! 


Sunday, January 10, 2021

Hapde burfday Sam!

 My dearest Samantha,

Today you are 10! 

At 10 you are: 

Developing a much more mature attitude 

Still into art 

Always with a book, a pile of books, heaps of books (the library closure has been a little bit of a challenge)



A font of knowledge (gleaned from all those books) 

Starting to enjoy video games as much as your brothers (and maybe the most tech savvy kid when it comes to the nuts and bolts)

Growing! Finally into a size that matches your age 

Not the least bit interested in things like combing your hair (cough), fashion, or makeup 

Obsessed with Mac n cheese but starting to branch out and not complain about trying new foods 

Often found wandering around the house from place to place with your chromebook (still cant sit still, eh?)

You are such a great  kid! I continue to be amazed at how different you are from the boys, and I can’t wait to keep watching you grow! I hope that as we enter the preteen years you are able to continue to hold true to yourself - never let anyone tell you it isn’t cool to just be you.

Love, mom 

Monday, January 04, 2021

New year, a letter to the children

My darlings, 
At some point in the future you will look back upon this time. I sincerely hope that when you do you remember to be proud of yourselves. You have given up everything this year - clubs, sports, school, parties, play dates, visits to Santa, holidays with extended family, vacations, day trips. Not only have you done it, but you’ve done it well and without complaint. You’ve made a tremendous sacrifice to protect the health of dad and I, and of our neighbors and community.  I
Don’t want you to look back and see as it as sacrifice, instead I want you to see it as proof that you can do anything! You can do all the hard things, the unexpected things, the seemingly impossible (and never ending) things. You can depend on each other. You can find joy and peace in small
Places and with just the things around you. I simply could not be prouder of all you for doing what so many adults have been unable to do. We’ve turned the page to a new year, and with it comes renewed hope that at some point this year we shall return to some sort of life out of our big little house (that has sheltered us so, so well). I hope we all carry the messages of this time with us forever. Ever forward. 


Thursday, December 03, 2020

Still here

It’s hard to believe we are still here, but here we are. 

We had Halloween. The kids trick or treated with masks, very few lights were on. I gave out candy on a table on the driveway. We carved pumpkins, watched movies, dressed up like Harry and hermoine. It was ok in the end. The kids actually declared it the best Halloween ever Bc I had prepared crafts and games in advance, just in case we had to make our own fun. And we did just that. 

We had to make second semester choices about school. It was no easier than the first time. We chose virtual again. It was the right choice, as our schools stopped requiring quarantine on thanksgiving week.

We had our big election. The lines were tremendous, even for weeks leading up to the actual day. And then the wait was long. It was joyous after all. 

We had thanksgiving. Just us but I cooked all the usual things. It was amazingly pressure free.

Things started to close again. No more library, business capacity limited, restaurants closing. Death numbers soaring. Toilet paper extinct again. In two days it will be 9 months since my kids got off the school bus for the last time. 

The Christmas trees are up, the advent calendar is going. Tomorrow I’ll go to Costco and make sure I have everything I need for Christmas dinner. Yes, it’s early. But you never know what will be closed when right now. (Often there are no employees).

Several vaccines are at the fda for emergency approval. Maybe by March I’ll be in the pre existing conditions group and be able to get in the line. My kids look forward to having a friend over. What a strange thing. 

There is still this weird thing where mostly it feels ok, but there are hard moments. I just keep sewing and cleaning and cooking and teaching  and just one day at a time. (I took epic Xmas card photos.)

Xoxoxo to anyone still reading 


Wednesday, October 28, 2020


There is always a lot to come to here to say, and yet, nothing feels quite right. I never could have imagined that with November barreling down upon us we would still be sitting in the midst of an epic shit storm, but here we are. 

Everything feels uncertain, untethered, and yet, so many things just carry on. The leaves are going, the furnace is running, in a few days trick or treat will gd over again for another year (or whatever passes for trick or treat this year). 

We’ve done some Halloween things. 
Jack has acquired a license to drive. Tomorrow, after a year of me sitting in the passenger seat next to him, he drives off without me. It’s only to orchestra at school, bc we are still mightily distancing, but it will be a little odd. Driving is one of the things I was never sure jack would manage, and he’s done an amazing job. When you have an atypical kid you are never quite sure which benchmarks you will actually achieve until you arrive. I am so very proud.
The cats continue to grow.

The kids continue to grow. We have one more day to make a second semester decision about going to school or staying at home. I thought it would be easier this time. It’s not. It’s hard to justify the risk when America posts the highest rates yet every single day. The courthouse is closed again, some schools can’t run bus routes bc too many drivers on quarantine, some dmv offices are closed again, some restaurant capacities are back to 25%, Springfield says they are running out of hospital beds. It’s all still so much. 

(Sam wAs DYING to see this exhibit. As soon as it feels safe I will take her to botanical gardens to see the real deal.) 

And the ever looming election is nearly upon us. 

I find myself unable to tolerate social media, the tv, the radio. Where is the humanity right now? I literally cannot stomach using the name of Jesus to defend these politicians. I just unfriend like crazy right now - my kids aren’t even at school yet 45 claims to have ended the pandemic! I already know I
Am too scared to look at the results next weds. I just keep telling myself that no matter what, at least then it is finite - the end date will be known.